I have been remiss!

I’m so sorry. I have neglected my bog is quite some time and I feel terrible. Not that there are so many of you out there counting on me, I’m counting on myself and I haven’t followed through.
But here I am. I can’t promise anything too exciting but here I am anyway.

Who here is always in soul searching mode? If you are like me, you may find it sometimes a blessing and a curse. For me, it’s a blessing because it helps me grow as a person. To grow, evolve, conquer my fears, expand my horizons, be a better person to myself and others- it’s all part of the process. It’s not easy as you may know but it’s inherently part of me. I’ve been this way for as long as I can remember, journaling, reading ‘self-help’ books and mags, taking various programs to find the inner me, and looking in the metaphorical mirror. I can’t say I’m always happy about what I see; I am a work in progress as are we all. Sometimes I’d rather just put my rosy glasses on, bleach my hair blonde (no offense to all you deep blondes out there) and bounce through life; ignorance is bliss. But alas, this is me. I can’t help it and most of the time, I’m happy about my deep reflection (don’t get me wrong, I’m not all that serious, I do believe in having fun while I get serious). But then there are the cursed moments- my head exhausts and overwhelms me- there is just TOO much to do, too much to learn, and too many issues to fix. Not to mention too many world problems to face. I’m plumb tuckered out. I want to put my head in the sand and forget it all. And occasionally I do- sometimes my TV doesn’t get turned on for a few days, no papers are read, the phone barely rings. This is my downtime from my life.

I’m in transition. The past is done and the future is unknown. All I know is right now. Maybe that’s not transition but instead my present state of living. Letting go of all that control, control that is really non-existent, is liberating. The not knowing is always there, it’s just our choice to accept or fight it. It’s still there so why fight it? I’m accepting it.

So back to my self reflection. I accept that too as who I am. Why fight that either?

The meaning of life?

I often think about life. Not exactly the meaning of it, but more how when I open my mind and let it all flow without any preconceived ideas about what it should be, I’m fascinated. Curious. In the moment. It’s quite liberating actually to just ‘Be’ and appreciate the moment in time where there is no past and no future, only now.  And as I am in the now, I can rest my conscious mind from all the busy chatter  during the course of the day. In the now, I am fully present and focused and can fully appreciate my experience. I am content.

This is not to say that I don’t have any ideas, dreams and ambitions as to what I want my life to be- I do- but I am also open to the journey of the stepping stones which take me off ‘course’. There is no real course unless one believes in fate and destiny. The jury is still out on that one. I have no idea where I will end up, what experiences I’ll have as I continue on my path but I will welcome them. My past has shaped me into the person that I am today and I have no regrets; because of the past, I have learned some valuable life lessons, painful as they were.

Where is this blog taking me? I’m sorry to all you readers out there who are scratching your  collective heads:-)!

Life as a concept is surreal. We are born, we have experiences and then we die. When I really think about that it’s most bizarre. I am all about quantum physics- does this blog really exist, do my experiences exist, can I create my own reality?

I love Dr Joe Dispenza-He can put it much more eloquently than I: http://www.whatthebleep.com/create/

OK, I think that’s it for now. I am going to log off and be in the moment….